Making an unholy row
We live next door to a church - a place of meditation and quiet reflection in days gone by. True, each Sunday we are treated to the finest rendition of Hymns Ancient & Modern, (spiced up with occasional visits by the evangelical tendency, involving a furious battering of tambourines - mainly out-of-time, natch) plus a regular dose of possibly the worst earache ever to befall mankind - 'Kumbya'.
Nowadays, since attendance purely for the purpose of worship is diminishing, the church building is seeking a new role as a community focused rent-a-room. There is a downside to this:
The Sandra Singer School for the occasionally talented
Each Saturday, and for an entire week in August, Madame Singer rents space in the church to beguile ambitious weenies into a stab at the performing arts. There is much pounding of discordant piano, failure of young voices to reach the necessary pitch, and general shrieking, mainly by young girls but also some boys, no doubt hoping to be 'Billy Elliot Mk 2'. Kicking-out time unfortunately coincides with the exact time I am setting out to watch Southend United disappoint me for another season, and the driveway is cluttered with parents in 4x4s picking up their progeny, the majority of whom are sporting purple hoodies emblazoned on the back with the siren phrase 'Speak to my Agent'.
"Whenever the weather is sunny - all pleasant and balmy and still -
An unusual hobby
A few gardens away, in a garden backing onto the church, someone continually saws wood and hammers something. I have no idea what he is doing but he is very keen. It prompted me to compose the following Springtime ditty:
"Whenever the weather is sunny - all pleasant and balmy and still -
Nearby, or away in the distance,
There is always some c*nt with a drill!"
There is always some c*nt with a drill!"